The Fake Diary of Aleksandar Kolarov : 2013 Preseason


(must be read in exaggerated Russian KGB style accent)

We Go to Hong Kong.

What busy month this has been! So much things that are going on. We have go to South Africa for to play friendly and now we have make flight to Hong Kong. Also, the club have buy another player from Balkan. YEEEEEEESSS!!! Jovetic play at Fiorentina and come from Montenegro. Montenegro is worst of Baltic countries. Is like Canada. We no tell Stevan this. The other night Edin, me, and Matija have crazy night in the Hong Kong. We walk to restaurant for to have dinner made by genuine Hong Kong man. Tables were very short at restaurant, which make big tall boy Edin very angry. We calm him down with drinks and then eat the food. After this we go to classic Hong Kong hot spot, Lucky Kitty Club for Gentleman. The tiny manager give us treatment of royals and even give us lady for special show. I not go into detail but ping pong balls were involved. Haha! Much fun for us! Next day we have trainings in rainy stadium. There were some Hong Kong Manchester City fans watch us make practice. I want to be nice man so I kick ball into crowd for souvenir. The lady who catch ball with face is recovering in hospital. She need learn to use hands! Ha! Another one bites dust! Soon we have game against Milan and De Jong. De Jong scare me. He is not normal man. One time in trainings he stand in wall to make stop of freekick, I hit ball, he make angry face at ball, ball stop and fall on ground. De Jong is sorcerer. I hope he no use sorcery in match. Okay. Is bed time. I leave with funny joke. Why do cookie go to doctor? He was feel crumby! Ha! You get?! Because is cookie crumbs! That was good one. I go now.

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